A real spectacle

I’ve only been a dad for 10 months or so, but I’m afraid I already have the look.

I wasn’t sure what fatherhood would look like for me, but that’s probably because I needed glasses. Yes, after 27 years of seeing scenic Missouri and beyond unaided by a lens, I now have specs.

It turns out I am near-sighted – something I have been slowly realizing over the past six months or so. After struggling to see street signs while trying to Uber people back to their homes, I realized that it was time to get checked out.

The “aha” moment had already happened when I tried on a near-sighted friend’s pair of glasses and could suddenly read the digital clock on the microwave. The true final straw was getting tucked in a corner table at Buffalo Wild Wings and not being able to read the score of an NBA playoff game.

As a basic white boy, no one messes with my beer/wings/sports trifecta at BWWs; not even my own eyes.

I opted to forgo the frames and lenses at the optomostrist’s office and was glad I did, nabbing a pair for a third the price at Sam’s Club. I’m still getting used to them, but it is certainly a marked quality of life improvement.

The dad look

Glasses are really just the icing on the cake as I continue to round out my classic dad look. My dad bod is in full form, with a beer belly that hangs over the waist of my pants and a tan line that screams “I mow and grill, but that’s about it.”

I feel like I still look college age, though that gets thrown in my face often when I see college-age adults. They look like wee babies.

My wife and I have a guilty pleasure of watching the Bachelor/Bachelorette every Monday. The participants usually cap in age around their low 30’s. The ones my age look like old people and the ones that are younger than me look like they aren’t ready for marriage.

Most of the viewership of that show probably say things like: “UGH I hate her – she is SO skinny.” In my case, it is: “How TF does he still have so much hair?? Screw that guy.”

Aging happens to everyone and I acknowledge that I am super lucky that I got 27 glasses-free years under my belt. Still, it is an interesting thing changing into a full-fledged adult and father. Now all I need are some nice white New Balances to mow that yard in. Then I can completely become a fatherly spectacle.

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