Terrors of Fatherhood

Am I terrified of becoming a Father? No. Do I occasionally have irrational fears brought on by the concept of raising another human? I guess so, yah.

Okay, those things sound pretty darn similar. But, I am not afraid of becoming a father. I embrace the challenge of raising not just a baby/kid, but a young man. I am confident in my ability to teach him right from wrong, how to conduct himself, and how to be an effective member of society.

It is the ability to keep him alive and fully funded that spooks me. It is the cost of college, the watchful eye, and the ability to fulfill his every need that I am a touch nervous about.

The thing that I am the most confident about in my life is my marriage. I have the utmost confidence in the example my wife will set, as well as the example we’ll both set as a happy and loving couple.

Just a couple hours ago we had dinner. We shared a pizza, though she had a salad and a water besides, while I had a Blue Moon or two. We were enjoying each other’s company so much that we walked a block down to a pub where I had a couple or three more drinks while she had an O.J. She can hang in the weirdest situations and has been a great sport through this – above and beyond, really… and I could not be more grateful.

Anyway, back to the kiddo

There have been a few unexpected side effects of this pregnancy on me. I had a nightmare about the world ending, which may or may not have been related.

I was working for a company in a high-rise office building. My coworkers are made up of mostly strangers, but also a few high school classmates. Classic dream. There had been talk on the news about a cataclysmic event, but no-one believed it.

Sure enough, we all gathered around the window, and the world was ending. Water was rising and I saw some unusual stuff, even for a dream. The Sydney Opera House appeared in the distance, then the Eiffel Tower. The Roman Colosseum popped in as well as a a few other historic landmarks as the water rose.

As the final wave crept over the sky-scraping office building, I remember thinking “It’s too bad I couldn’t be with Emily in these final moments.”

It turns out world-ending dreams aren’t uncommon for expecting parents, or so the internet says.

This strikes me as a little hilarious, but also a little meaningful, as one chapter of life quickly closes and another begins.

I am excited and prepared for our son in many ways. I am also anxious and apprehensive about the unknown. Weird times that many of you have been through and the rest of you will likely experience for yourselves.

Nervous as I am, I am excited. Weird-ass, smart-ass, however he turns out (likely ass-related I would wager) this will be the best part of my life and I appreciate you being along for the ride.

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